Something to think about...

My previous posts gave me something to think about. During our two day adoptive parent training, one of the facilatators shared a story about one of the families who adopted who they were following up with because I think that the parents were considering doing a second adoption.
The family had adopted from Russia several years back and the child was school age at this point (10-12 years old). The faciliator asked how everything was going with the family and the father said everything was fine. The facilitator asked the father had they talked with their child about being adopted, and he replied yes, " We have her life book in her room and we told her she was adopted." The facilitator proceeded to ask him again, "Have you spoken with your daughter about her adoption?" The father stated that they showed her pictures and told her that they gave a donation to the orphanage in her name. The facilitator advised the parents to really sit down and talk to the child about the adoption and not just place life books, and pictures and mention the orphanage here and there. The father said that he understood what she was saying and that they didn't realize what they were Not doing. He tried talking to the daughter about the adoption, and surprisingly she had a lot of questions about her adoption and her story. He called and thanked the facilitator at the agency because it really opened up things.
I guess in summary, it is so easy for us to get caught up in our lives and forget that the child may not act out and may be happy. However, it still doesn't change the fact that the child may have a lot of questions. If the parent doesn't make it an open conversation, then the child may not independently inquire about his/her birth story.

The real life analogy that they used on us in the group was "The birds and the bees talk" by our parents. Everyone in the group advised that facilitator that their parents either gave them a book and told them to come to them if they had any questions or either they were not talked to at all or the talk came way too late! Most of us agreed that it would have been uncomfortable to ask our parents any questions related to the "birds and the bees" during that time. We assumed that it was uncomfortable for our parents as well since they never brought it up again!

The point was of that questioning exercise was that the Parents need to actively initiate the discussions for their child, because it may be uncomfortable for a child to bring up their birth story if it is not something that the parents bring up or discuss with the child regularly. I thought that it was a neat example because I can remember my teenage years vividly. I never went to my parents to have a follow up conversation or start talking about the "the birds and the bees". It just seemed kind of taboo then.
That is how a child can feel when we do not do our part as parents by being open. I just wanted to share some powerful examples shared with me.
Good night!