It is a personal choice, and it is something that I had always planned to do since High School. I was inspired by close family friends who adopted and family members. I have always felt that it is one of the greatest things that we could do. The initial order of my adoption was to be my 2nd or last child. However, things change!
Do you plan on having any biological children of your own?
Yes! Our intentions are to resume family planning when our adoption is complete or near complete with placement. Right now the adoption is the most important thing and we would like to remain focused on it. We would like to have 2 biological children and possibly adopt one more. The current economy conditions scares me a little, but I know who my provider is. We would be satisfied with 3 children, but we will accept whatever is in his plans. I am an only child and although I enjoyed being an only child. I have always planned on having more than one child.
Hey, I thought you guys were doing an International Adoption-Ethiopia?
Yes, we were initially in the early stages of an Ethiopian adoption. Application paid for, filling out paperwork, and several references received within the first couple of weeks. We were still working on our application portions and our references were on it! We were requesting an female infant from Ethiopia, and we were more than excited! You should see what the small purchases have added up to in what will be the nursery.
We were very satisfied with the Ethiopia program, but we received a phone call in August from a local Domestic adoption agency that we had contacted back in the spring. We decided to hold off on sending anymore paperwork in to our agency for the international adoption until we met with local agency personally to hear what they had to say.
There was a series of events that led us to decide to move forward with the Domestic agency. We were only able to receive the answers/confirmation after we were patient for a little while.
How long is this process going to take?
The domestic adoption process with our agency can take place as quick as 3 months or as long as a year on the extreme end. For the most part, on average, their placements are typically 3-6 months from beginning to end. It is different from year to year. Our agency told us at training that they had a relatively slow year earlier this year with only a few placements and then between July and August they had 9 placements alone.
A typical heavy year for our agency is 19 placements, and a slow year would be 5 placements. Each year is different. However, currently, there are just not enough AA parents available for the AA infants. This works out in our favor at this time.
Where are you guys in the process now?
- Initial meeting with agency to discuss program and concerns (September 17, 2008)
- 2 day mandatory adoptive parent training class (October 3-October 4, 2008)
- application given to us after the training class
- We are right on track at this point. We are completing the application to send in to the agency so that they can begin our home study.
The home study is completed in house by our agency and will take 3-4 weeks. Once the home study is completed our profile is available to be shown to prospective birth parents. So, basically once they receive your application the "show is on the road."
Are you nervous about the adoption process?
Of course, there is some degree of nervousness. However, once we went through the in depth training class with the agency, our concerns were addressed. There will always be some anxiety when dealing with an adoption of any type.
I also had concerns when we were moving forward with the Ethiopia adoption. My concerns were more so with the stability of the program since so many agencies are participating with the Ethiopia adoption program. Our biggest fear this past summer was becoming financially committed and not receiving our referral and losing all monies invested into the adoption if any programs were pulled. These were honest and valid concerns.
Again, we must all continue to pray that God will be in the midst and be in charge over the situation.
Do you guys plan to adopt from Ethiopia after you complete this?
We would still love to adopt from Ethiopia and we feel that we were led there for a reason too. However, God has a way of changing things around. While it may seem confusing to us at the time, we must still be obedient. Trust me, we were confused for a minute! We still have all of our paperwork and now we are familiar with the process since we studied everything once we decided to go with an International Adoption. We will see what God has planned for us after we receive our first child.
How much does an Adoption cost?
That really depends on whether you are adopting Domestically, and/or where you are adopting internationally. Domestically, agencies have sliding scales or flat fees. The sliding scales go by your income (the more that you make, the more that you will have to pay) and a flat fee rate may just have two prices: one price if you make over a certain amount, and another price if you make under a certain amount.
For the most part, with the local Domestic agency that we are working with has a competitive rate. Their standard rate was about the same price as our estimated Ethiopian adoption. However, we were advised that our adoption would have a subsidized amount of a substantial amount due to the fact that we are African American and wishing to adopt an AA infant including (AA/Caucasian or AA/Latino). This rate reduction is something that they were able to offer to us. This was not the determining factor for us going with this agency. However, it was the icing on the cake to hear such a significant amount being taken off the initial cost. This shows us that when God is in control, it will work out in your favor. It's so sweet.
How old will your baby be at placement?
The baby will be a new born at placement. It will be either 2-3 days or 10 days old depending upon the surrender of rights paperwork completed.
When we were in the Ethiopia adoption program they advised us that our baby would be between 6-9 months but we had to be open to 12 months and under. We wanted an infant, so we wanted the baby to be as young as possible.
Do you want a girl or boy?
We initially were requesting for an infant girl through the Ethiopia program. Therefore, I began shopping and purchasing a few items at a time and those grew over a couple of months. We are open to either at this point. We want the baby that we are supposed to have. However, I will be messed up if it is not a girl!!
How does an Open Adoption work?
Each situation is different. Some birth parents do not want any contact after they decide that they would like to entrust you with their child for life. Others may want limited contact i.e. (1 visit a year at the agency or 1 picture a year). It all really depends on what you are comfortable with and whether the birth parents want any contact or all. They try to match you according to your preferences. In the end, the adoptive parents have to make the best choice for their situation and the child. Ultimately, you are the parent. There is no such thing as co-parenting. The whole idea of the OA is for the children. It is so that the children will not have this issue of not ever knowing who their parent was or the situation. Granted, some situations may not be kosher and adoptive parents will have to have boundaries as to if they need to have any contact with an unstable parent. All situations are different. We constantly pray for our child, its birth parent, and that God is going to present to us the right match. That is why it is important to be patient and prayerful during these times. You want it to be the right baby and the right situation.
How are you matched with a baby?
Again, every situation is different. However, the adoptive parents fill out a profile by doing a profile book with pictures of them, their home, family, events, and vacations etc. This is what the birth parents are shown when they are matched with a couple of families to select from. In an ideal situation, the agency works with the birth parent for a while and you are able to meet them prior to birth to see if this is a good fit. You both have the flexibility to decline. You do not have to take the first situation that comes to you. The adoptive parents have a caseworker with the agency and the birth parent has a caseworker. Everyone works together to meet the needs of each other. We have to remember to keep the best interest of the child while still looking at our own comfort levels. Ultimately, the adoptive parents are the parents and there is No such thing as co-parenting. Every child has a right to know where they came from with boundaries set while they are young. This is when discernment plays a major role.
The agency has the adoptive parents to fill out an extensive form that describes them, their parents, grandparents, siblings, uncles and aunts etc. From complexion, to eye shape, hair texture, height etc. This assists with matching a child that attempt to blend in with your family.
The agency also provides the adoptive parents with medical information from the birth parents side. There is a detailed checklist that we check off what we are willing to possibly accept in terms of birth parents family history prior to the baby being born. The key to this form is knowing more medical history of the parents for your child in the event that there is not much contact from the birth parents.
How have you guys prepared for the baby?
We began making purchases after we decided we were going to adopt back in the spring. These small purchases turned into a bunch of stuff! We have clothing, baby bags, bibs, hats, onsies,
t-shirts, gowns, etc. In addition, safety care kits, grooming kits, bottle warmer, bottle sterilizers, bottles, pacifiers, pacifier clips, blankets, washcloths, bathing supplies and a bath tub. We have been able to research larger ticket items since we had time by going to consumer reports and through other avenues.
We have purchased a Travel system (September) to have as our back up stroller and shopping mall stroller. It was a smart move since it has an infant seat and a stroller. We initially went to Babies R Us to purchase 1 infant car seat. We had already ran the specs on the car seat of our choice through Consumer Reports and we held off and purchased the Travel System instead. It is 2 more strollers that we would like that are lighter than the travel system. My husband has his picked out and I have mine picked out. We chose a gender neutral color for the travel system since we are not for sure of what the baby's gender will be.
The room is not furnished yet. We plan on ordering furniture at the end of this month. The place that we are sold on and we selected our choices a while back takes about 12-14 weeks. However, we are going to check one more spots before we financially commit and place the order.
Currently, the room is used as our ironing room and "catch all" room for the baby. My husband has come up with a color scheme for the room and he will paint that later. It is currently a spearmint green and has simple striped window treatments. Everything will come down in the room as we prepare to transform the nursery. We have not done anything to the nursery's bathroom either. It is rarely used. It will be painted when he changes the wall color in the room.
The next to do list item is to have a custom closet done for the nursery. The closet looks like a hot mess with all of the clothing jammed packed in there. We have a friend that does custom cabinetry that my husband is close with. My husband wants to help him with the custom closet. Its a few other custom items that we have planned for the room as well.
We have to determine what fabric we would like for nursery rocker as well. We chose one rocker at the baby boutique store that we planned on ordering from, but I have to check with Pottery Barn as well because they have a similar rocker and ottoman that I would like as well and could purchase separately if we decided on that. We are waiting to see what our price comparisons are going to be as we go to these two other baby furniture stores.
An Only Child: The results when you are planning for a child, the first grandchild
My parents have asked us to let them know which item for the nursery can they order for us from the store that we chose - the crib or the rocker. They requested to be apart of the initial purchases for the nursery. How can we say no. My husband and my father looked at the quality of the drawers, the wood, and everything that day. My mom and I walked around looking at bedding choices/custom nursery bedding choices as well as unique items in the store.
My parents came to visit us on my birthday this past winter and we took them to the store that we knew we were going to order from and we all looked at baby furniture. My dad loves the new nursery rockers with the ottomans because they look like regular furniture when your child is no longer a baby and they are super comfortable. My mother is open to either item. Both items are similar in price, so price is not a factor.
I am an only child and I have relatively young parents (Fifties). My parents have always been 100% supportive of me throughout my entire life financially, emotionally, and non financially. Anyway you name it. I thank God for the relationship that we have. We may not agree on everything, but we learned to agree to disagree as I grew into my adulthood. It is an awesome relationship to have when you have that unconditional love and support from your parents.
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