Emotions and Early Voting

This morning was a very emotional morning for me inside. My husband got up at 4:30 am to take the dog out and to get coffee ready. He was preparing to go to our voting location at 5:30 am to hold us a spot in line so that we would not have to stand in line forever.  He left the house around 5:45 am to go to the location with coffee, folding chair, and a book that he is reading by Tony Dungy called "Quiet Strength" a book that my parents purchased for him on his 40th birthday this past spring.  

I told him not to go for 5:30 am because I thought that it was too early and not safe to be there in the dark. Anyway, he stuck with his inner feeling and went ahead 15 minutes later. I slept in since I knew that I was going in later after voting and I was thrilled not to have to get up at 5:00 am. He arrived there and there were 10 other people waiting outside in the cold as well to start a line to get inside of the building. My husband called me back around 6:40 am to tell me to hurry up and get there because he was like #15 in line outside and there were that hundred or more that came in after his arrival. I was showered and dressed within 25 minutes since he called back to say that they let them in the building at 7:15 am but voting would not open up until 8:30 am.  I arrived at the location around 7:20 am after walking the dog. It only takes me about 8 minutes to get there. 

When I arrived at our voting location the parking lot was full and people were parking all down the street.  I walked into the building and  I was searching for my husband discreetly since he was in the beginning of the line. I couldn't tell what was the beginning and what was the end! He spotted me and called me over and I took his seat and he stood up ( no drama). You know how people can act sometime if they feel like someone is cutting line! I was still feeling a little sick to the stomach, so maybe they thought I had an issue, was pregnant or was sick since I looked flushed! No one said anything, I guess because he had been one of the first ones there. We waited for about an hour before the polls opened enjoying company around us. It was so emotional to see all of the people that turned out to vote on this cold morning. The building was full of lines inside and they went outside into the street. People were parking on the grass and all. This is a very large location, so this was significant. Our voting process only took about 15 minutes once the opened. 

The most emotional part for me was when I actually hit my chosen person and casted my ballot. It was reality at the point for me that we were making history. To the left of me was a lady in her 80's and she asked for my assistance with her machine. I was honored because this was really a big day for that generation that is still living. As I was clicking through the different candidates she was asking me questions. The funniest thing was when she said, "Honey, am I doing this right?"  I said, "Mam?"  She said, I just want to make sure that I vote for Obama, that's all I care about!  "Is this right?" I said, " Yes, you have it right!"  I finished my voting process and turned in my card. I knew that the lady was having a difficult time so I advised one of the helpers there to assist her since these voting machines are very different from the past.  It was an honor for me to assist an elder that grew up in a different era where many thought they would never live to see the day that an African American is on the ballot running for President of the United States. 

The turn out was massive at 8:30 am in the morning and as my husband and I walked out of the building with another gentleman that my husband connected with during the early morning wait. I looked over to my left and saw the hundreds of people lined up from inside to outside looping around the big parking lot in the cold. I saw people with babies bundled up in the carriages. It was such an awesome sight to see. Everyone was calm and knew that they had a wait, but it was well worth it. 

I just spoke with my neighbors wife a short while ago and she advised us that she stayed in like 5.5 hours today to vote because she arrived after 10:00 am.  We all did what we had to do.  It was just an awesome thing to see the young, middle age, older all voting this morning. We represented America because it was people represented from all walks of life as African Americans. 

My husband connected with a gentleman that arrived a few minutes before my husband did this morning. My husband later informed me that the brother was just layed off from Coca-Cola and they had moved down here from up north as well just a year ago. I would have never known that he had just lost his job due to corporate cuts, because he had such a sweet spirit and he was not down at all. We all had a great conversation after I arrived and he was doing what he had to do despite his current situation. He actually told the workers inside that he would go get them some breakfast after he voted because they were teasing him when we first came in there about no one bring donuts or something.  It is so many people that are feeling the effects of our country's economic crisis, but in the end God is in control. 

After we voted, he and my husband exchanged cell numbers and we are all planning on meeting later on to go out to eat or something.  

They had helpers assisting the elderly who needed help filling out the forms. All I can say is we represented here in the "A". What an awesome day filled with so many emotions.  Since I was rushing out of the house to arrive there to get in line with my husband, I left my camera at home. I wanted to take a picture of the long lines of our people exercising their rights to try to help make a change! 

Just Clowning around Halloween 2005

These are a few pictures from Halloween 2005. We went to a neighbors party for 2 hours and then we headed to the Fox Theatre for another costume party that night. We are handing out candy this year as we have the past couple of years to the few little ones that come through. I have been my neighborhood Social chair for about 4 years for 300 homes and this is my way of giving back to the little ones that come out to support our neighborhood events throughout the year that I coordinate. 

Yes, we actually purchased these costumes to keep since they were clown outfits with shoes etc. We will always be able to use the clown outfits!

As promised....

I promised a bunch of people a good while back that I would post some pictures from our Washington DC vacation this past summer. I included only a few of us in there and some family members. However, most are random pictures that I included in the slide show that I took on different days during the week. These Pics are supposed to go with my post from "Backing up to the summer."

Enjoy!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Feeling Better

I am feeling much better and I am almost back normal. I know that I still have my Tag Post to do. I promise it will be posted on or before this coming Saturday. I am working on it now! Thanks to everyone who checked on me.

Still under the weather

I am still fighting a serious stomach issue and I have not been able to hold anything down for the past 24 hours. I have decided to go ahead and try to take something to try settle my stomach and the symptons. It is getting a little bit better but it has been very draining for me. I was tagged on Saturday, so I will attempt to make my post within the next day about myself. I have not felt up to doing too much this evening. Therefore, we were not able to get by one of the last two baby bedding stores that we were supposed to see today. We plan on stopping by this week to look at what the store has to offer. Our goal was to have it narrowed down by the end of this month.

3 Children need forever homes: Situation forwarded to me today

I just received an email today from another newly adoptive parent.
An agency contact sent her a situation with a 4 year old female, 10 month old female and the mother is expecting a baby boy in December. The agency advised that the 10th month and the unborn child have the same father. The 4 year old girl is a half sibling to the 10 month old and the unborn child. The 4 year old has not had any contact with her biological father her entire life.

The agency noted that the mother just can not do it anymore alone and does not have any support from the father of her unborn child and 10 month old. The children are healthy Black American children. The agency is meeting with the mother this weekend and would like for interested applicants that have their homestudy completed and their profile emailed to them. The birthmother wants semiopen adoption.


I am hoping and praying that these children find a forever home with parents to love them and provide for them. Please keep these children in your prayers. Anyone who is interested please leave me a post and I will forward the email to you or the agencies contact information that was forwarded to me. I can also put it in my post reply. They also put the adoption cost in the email which was more than reasonable for 3 children. I am doing my job by putting the information out there for those who may be interested. Who knows, this may be someones breakthrough and blessing that they have been waiting for.

Something to think about...

My previous posts gave me something to think about. During our two day adoptive parent training, one of the facilatators shared a story about one of the families who adopted who they were following up with because I think that the parents were considering doing a second adoption.
The family had adopted from Russia several years back and the child was school age at this point (10-12 years old). The faciliator asked how everything was going with the family and the father said everything was fine. The facilitator asked the father had they talked with their child about being adopted, and he replied yes, " We have her life book in her room and we told her she was adopted." The facilitator proceeded to ask him again, "Have you spoken with your daughter about her adoption?" The father stated that they showed her pictures and told her that they gave a donation to the orphanage in her name. The facilitator advised the parents to really sit down and talk to the child about the adoption and not just place life books, and pictures and mention the orphanage here and there. The father said that he understood what she was saying and that they didn't realize what they were Not doing. He tried talking to the daughter about the adoption, and surprisingly she had a lot of questions about her adoption and her story. He called and thanked the facilitator at the agency because it really opened up things.
I guess in summary, it is so easy for us to get caught up in our lives and forget that the child may not act out and may be happy. However, it still doesn't change the fact that the child may have a lot of questions. If the parent doesn't make it an open conversation, then the child may not independently inquire about his/her birth story.

The real life analogy that they used on us in the group was "The birds and the bees talk" by our parents. Everyone in the group advised that facilitator that their parents either gave them a book and told them to come to them if they had any questions or either they were not talked to at all or the talk came way too late! Most of us agreed that it would have been uncomfortable to ask our parents any questions related to the "birds and the bees" during that time. We assumed that it was uncomfortable for our parents as well since they never brought it up again!

The point was of that questioning exercise was that the Parents need to actively initiate the discussions for their child, because it may be uncomfortable for a child to bring up their birth story if it is not something that the parents bring up or discuss with the child regularly. I thought that it was a neat example because I can remember my teenage years vividly. I never went to my parents to have a follow up conversation or start talking about the "the birds and the bees". It just seemed kind of taboo then.
That is how a child can feel when we do not do our part as parents by being open. I just wanted to share some powerful examples shared with me.
Good night!

Back to the Books for me

I will have to continue the posts later this week. I had one week off last week from my Doctoral classes in between this session beginning. Therefore, I was able to post more and reply last week since I had a week to relax. For those of you who do not know, I am working on my Doctorate in another area outside of my current profession and I began the program this past spring. Call me crazy! It has been going well, but working full time, taking a class every 8 weeks with all of the assignments, and balancing everything has been an adjustment! Its no joke, but its all worth it when you have a goal. So, you all please be patient with me!

Part 2: Privacy versus Secrecy

This morning I was talking with one of my 1st cousins on the phone. I was updating her on our adoption process and I told her about the post that I began on yesterday regarding privacy versus secrecy. My cousin's first child is adopted via foster care and she has had her since she was an infant. It took her about 3 years to get finalization.
When we discussed this post, she was telling me about an incident that happened at her child's preschool a little while back when she was in preschool. She advised me that the preschool teacher came up to her one afternoon when she was picking her child up from school and congratulated her on the adoption being finalized. That was fine. Afterwards, the teacher went into a conversation about my cousin's child being adopted etc and my cousin advised her by whispering that they had not discussed in detail with her about the adoption. Basically, she wanted the teacher to stop talking about the whole adoption in front of her. The teacher did not stop. She continued to say that she was adopted and that my cousin needed to tell her little one that she was adopted and blah, blah,blah. My cousin felt uncomfortable because this lady still was not hearing her when she told her that she did not want to discuss this anymore. The teacher continued to follow her down the hallway talking about why she needed to tell her little preschooler right then about the adoption. How inappropriate! My cousin advised the teacher that she was going to speak to the director regarding her comments and the teacher not respecting her wishes by continuing to discuss a private matter not only in front of the child, but following her down the hallway discussing the issue as well.
This is a matter of privacy. My cousin was not keeping it a secret that her first child was adopted because the preschool knew that she was adopted and going through finalization; however, she and her husband wanted to be the ones to decide when to tell her preschooler the entire story of her adoption. Even though this person was adopted and I am sure was very passionate about it, she chose the wrong time and she did not respect my cousin's privacy regarding stopping the conversation when asked to. It is ultimately the parent's rights and responsibility to let their little one know about their adoption, not someone who is aggressively trying to force their opinion on the parent and child. For those of you who are wondering this is not something that happened a long time ago. Her children are very young, meaning 1st grade and under now. Sometimes people have not learned to tame their tongue.
Learning to know what to say and when to say it is a principle that many have not learned, and truly need to pray for guidance on!

Privacy versus Secrecy

Last week I had a conversation with someone and after a lengthy conversation about some other things it led into me sharing that we were adopting. The person was sincerely happy for me and was aware of adoptions to an extent because they had family member who adopted from within their extended family.
The question that was posed was "Are you going to tell your child that he or she is adopted?" I immediately said yes, of course we plan on telling our child that they were adopted by us at the appropriate time. Not telling our child is not an option. Someone will entrust us with their biological child to raise as our child. I proceeded to say that it is a must, because the last thing that anyone would want is for their adoptive child to find out that they were adopted from someone else first. That we be considered attempting to keep secrets, and eventually, this would be something that can backfire on adoptive parents if they are not careful.
I proceeded to explain that it is a difference between sharing with someone if they asked if your child is adopted versus sharing the intimate details of their situation, in terms of how they came to be adopted, which is private. I feel that the child's birth story is private and should be for the child to know.
So, therefore, as adoptive parents, it is OK to let someone know that you adopted a child. In many cases people will already know that the child is not your biological child anyway, if they are close enough to the adoptive parents to know that there was not a pregnancy. However, an adoptive parent should not feel obligated to go into detail about the private matters of their adoption process.
We all must know and understand there is clearly a difference between privacy and secrecy as adoptive parents. The more comfortable the adoptive parents are with letting the child know that they are adopted at the appropriate time, the more comfortable the child will be with knowing and understanding how and why they were adopted. Children tend to follow our lead.

I believe that I was in a workshop or read some where and it was mentioned that some people have chosen not to tell certain people that they adopted because of fear that the person may treat their child differently if they found out that it wasn't their biological. In this case, I would not necessarily keep it a secret from the person. This is when the parent needs to discern as to who needs to be in their circle, or who they need to continue to deal with. Family or not! If a person has a biological child they would not allow anyone to treat their biological child indifferently without it being an issue. If this is an issue and can not be resolved, then hey, some people may have to be cut off if they can not treat my adopted child in the same manner they would if I had a biological child. It is a sensitive subject, but its the truth. Personally, it would make me look at the person differently anyway.

The best example that we were given in the adoptive parent training workshop was a person asking to see what is in your checkbook. Your checkbook should be considered a private matter. So, therefore, when people want to know the intimate details of your adoption, you can learn ways to advise them that it is a private matter, without telling them "It's none of your business!"

Sunday Shopping

We went out late this afternoon to look at nursery furniture. We wanted to have two other stores to compare to with our selections. We have at least one more store to go to and maybe a fourth one so that we can make the best selections. We decided that we do not want a "whole set" that looks alike with everything the same. We are very much into the eclectic look. So, we will have pieces that compliment one another with at least one "eye catcher in the room" to stand out.

The sleigh crib at the top is at the top of our list and so is the dresser below it. The picture does not represent the custom paint job well with the aged pink and creme paint job on the dresser. It is fabulous and timeless. A creme piece would definitely stand out with a darker colored crib. We have two more places to visit before we make our final decisions on the crib, armoire, and dresser. We know of one piece that is a definite, regardless of which crib that we select. The third expresso crib is a just a picture that we took of one of the arrangements in this store.

As you can see my husband is enjoying testing out the modern nursery rockers. That particular one was very comfortable, but it did not go with the look that we are trying to achieve for the room. Believe it or not, there are a lot of great sales going on with baby furniture as well. Many prices are slashed due to the economy.

More Friends Adopting

I am so excited!
On Tuesday evening some our close friends who actually grew up with my husband in NYC (that are really like family to him), but also live here where we live advised us that they are proceeding with trying to adopt. They were calling to catch up since we had not talked in several weeks. They are currently exploring adopting from Grenada at this time since the wife is originally from there and would like to adopt a child from her country. They advised us that if things do not work out with Grenada, then they will inquire with our agency since they would like to go ahead and move forward within the next couple of months. I am thrilled at their decision to move forward with adopting. My husband is also West Indian and originally from Trinidad, West Indies. However, he moved to the US as an elementary school child many years ago with his siblings and immediate family. We never considered going to Trinidad to adopt a child. Maybe because I had not heard of anyone adopting from there. I am unsure why that never crossed our minds. Thats funny because he has a lot of family that still reside in Trinidad that could have given us information on adopting.

In addition, another friend of mine who actually used the agency that we are with has decided that she is going to proceed with adopting a second child from the agency. They would like to begin their process at the end of the year or at the beginning of the new Year!
I guess the year 2009 will be a year of new beginnings for many more families!

Last Layaway.....for a while!

I picked up our last layaway of baby clothing on Wednesday evening. We feel as though we have enough items at this point in terms of sleepware and around the house clothing for a newborn. We do not plan on purchasing anymore clothing items until we receive our baby. We will be focusing on furniture from this point on and transforming the room. I have managed to find some great deals on baby items over the past few months.

$318.00

I just had to share this. I was invited into this jewelry trade party on this past weekend where they take your old gold jewelry (real gold and not gold plated) and give you cash for it based upon its value after weighing it.
I could not attend the event on Sunday, however I took the 14kt gold items that I wanted to give to the the person's home who was hosting. I haven't worn yellow gold in many years. So, I found some gold pieces in my jewelry box that were outdated (to me).
The hostess called me that night when they were giving her the prices of my items, so that I could say "okay" or not. She told me that the items that I sent were $318.00. That was so cool to me. It was stuff that I wasn't going to ever wear again and I had not worn it in over 10 or 12 years (gold dolphin ring, simple gold bangle, tiny gold necklace with cross, gold anklet, tiny gold rope bracelet and gold turtle link bracelet). It did not matter the condition of the jewelry, although mine was in great shape. I was surprised when she told me. The hostess brought my cash to work Monday morning. You can also host a party as well after you attend one they give you the card. It is really neat and it is legit.

This is the funny part. Since we began our Domestic adoption process, we have spent a total of $320.00 literally.

• The initial informational meeting $20.00
• 2 day mandatory adoptive parent class $300.00

Now, we have basically received a little change to compensate for what we have already spent, with the exception of $2.00. We will just apply that extra money to the application that we are getting ready to send in anyway.

The application fee is $600.00 (so, we can literally apply this to the 600.00 fee that we were sending in anyway). The $318.00 was not a whole bunch of money, but it was something unexpected and it was enough to add to our little expenses. I definitely was not counting on that little stuff that I sent being valued over $100.00 at this point. It just goes to show you that blessings come in different forms and at unexpected times.

Once the application is submitted we have to pay the $500.00 deposit for our home study and the remainder $500.00 after it is completed (for a total of 1,000.00). The home study is a reasonable price in my opinion. Most of the home study prices that I have seen do not go beyond $1,400.00 anyway. After that, we do not have to fork the larger amounts of money until we get a placement.

Type A Personality?

These are just a few shots of some things that we have purchased over the past couple of months since we decided we were going to adopt. My, My, things sure did add up over time. We truly do need to go ahead and purchase furniture for the room so many of the things that are hanging up can go into the drawers. I do not have any more room to hang up anything. The last bag of purchases can not fit into the closet. We are going to definitely have to get a custom closet system, very soon. My initial purchases were done when we were in the Ethiopia program, so I was trying to buy a little at a time while when we first started. I am one of those people who never wants to get caught out there unprepared. Thats just my personality.

The Travel System (Graco Quattro Tour) stroller rolls like a luxury sedan. It has a temperature gauge and all. Even a place to keep your sunglasses/and or wipes. It was at the top of Consumer Reports travel systems as well. We spent two hours in Babies R Us trying to decide on whether to purchase 1 infant car seat or this travel system. It made more since to get the travel system. I guess we will go get the infant car seat with base that we initially chose as our next larger ticket item. After that, we only need one more carset. We decided on getting

2 Chicco's for the infant seats and we already have the Graco infant carrier that we can leave at home for third car or take for in home day care to leave.

We decided on the Chicco Keyfit for the infant carseat. That may change, depending on what the class or fire department says. The agency told us to check with the carseat training classes as well since they give valuable information regarding the type of seat that you should purchase as well according to the type of vehichle that you have. We both are aware of how to use the latch systems and we are not strangers to carseats and keeping kids, but we will still go to one of the trainings or stop by the fire department to see what they say as well. We already have in mind which covertible car seat that we will purchase later or register for.

We decided not to purchase anymore gender specific items. Thats why we are focusing on furniture, car seats, co-sleepers, bouncers, play yards and swings at this point.

Yes, I have been told that I need to save some things for others to purchase. However, we will save things for others to purchase. I have just never relied on other people to purchase anything for me. We will get what we plan on getting and then register for items that we did not get. However, it really makes it much easier on you when you can buy a little at a time. You really do not feel it. You are able to acquire a lot of items over a short period of time without breaking the bank!


FYI: The toybin in the picture was something that I kept all of my educational toys in for when our god children and other friends would come over. It is currently being used for storing these small purchases. It will not remain in the room when the nursery is being worked on. It will probably go in the basement and then out the door. I am trying to purge more.

Questions and Answers

Why are you adopting?



It is a personal choice, and it is something that I had always planned to do since High School. I was inspired by close family friends who adopted and family members. I have always felt that it is one of the greatest things that we could do. The initial order of my adoption was to be my 2nd or last child. However, things change!





Do you plan on having any biological children of your own?



Yes! Our intentions are to resume family planning when our adoption is complete or near complete with placement. Right now the adoption is the most important thing and we would like to remain focused on it. We would like to have 2 biological children and possibly adopt one more. The current economy conditions scares me a little, but I know who my provider is. We would be satisfied with 3 children, but we will accept whatever is in his plans. I am an only child and although I enjoyed being an only child. I have always planned on having more than one child.



Hey, I thought you guys were doing an International Adoption-Ethiopia?



Yes, we were initially in the early stages of an Ethiopian adoption. Application paid for, filling out paperwork, and several references received within the first couple of weeks. We were still working on our application portions and our references were on it! We were requesting an female infant from Ethiopia, and we were more than excited! You should see what the small purchases have added up to in what will be the nursery.



We were very satisfied with the Ethiopia program, but we received a phone call in August from a local Domestic adoption agency that we had contacted back in the spring. We decided to hold off on sending anymore paperwork in to our agency for the international adoption until we met with local agency personally to hear what they had to say.

There was a series of events that led us to decide to move forward with the Domestic agency. We were only able to receive the answers/confirmation after we were patient for a little while.





How long is this process going to take?



The domestic adoption process with our agency can take place as quick as 3 months or as long as a year on the extreme end. For the most part, on average, their placements are typically 3-6 months from beginning to end. It is different from year to year. Our agency told us at training that they had a relatively slow year earlier this year with only a few placements and then between July and August they had 9 placements alone.

A typical heavy year for our agency is 19 placements, and a slow year would be 5 placements. Each year is different. However, currently, there are just not enough AA parents available for the AA infants. This works out in our favor at this time.





Where are you guys in the process now?

• Initial meeting with agency to discuss program and concerns (September 17, 2008)


• 2 day mandatory adoptive parent training class (October 3-October 4, 2008)


• application given to us after the training class


• We are right on track at this point. We are completing the application to send in to the agency so that they can begin our home study.

The home study is completed in house by our agency and will take 3-4 weeks. Once the home study is completed our profile is available to be shown to prospective birth parents. So, basically once they receive your application the "show is on the road."





Are you nervous about the adoption process?



Of course, there is some degree of nervousness. However, once we went through the in depth training class with the agency, our concerns were addressed. There will always be some anxiety when dealing with an adoption of any type.

I also had concerns when we were moving forward with the Ethiopia adoption. My concerns were more so with the stability of the program since so many agencies are participating with the Ethiopia adoption program. Our biggest fear this past summer was becoming financially committed and not receiving our referral and losing all monies invested into the adoption if any programs were pulled. These were honest and valid concerns.
Again, we must all continue to pray that God will be in the midst and be in charge over the situation.





Do you guys plan to adopt from Ethiopia after you complete this?



We would still love to adopt from Ethiopia and we feel that we were led there for a reason too. However, God has a way of changing things around. While it may seem confusing to us at the time, we must still be obedient. Trust me, we were confused for a minute! We still have all of our paperwork and now we are familiar with the process since we studied everything once we decided to go with an International Adoption. We will see what God has planned for us after we receive our first child.





How much does an Adoption cost?



That really depends on whether you are adopting Domestically, and/or where you are adopting internationally. Domestically, agencies have sliding scales or flat fees. The sliding scales go by your income (the more that you make, the more that you will have to pay) and a flat fee rate may just have two prices: one price if you make over a certain amount, and another price if you make under a certain amount.

For the most part, with the local Domestic agency that we are working with has a competitive rate. Their standard rate was about the same price as our estimated Ethiopian adoption. However, we were advised that our adoption would have a subsidized amount of a substantial amount due to the fact that we are African American and wishing to adopt an AA infant including (AA/Caucasian or AA/Latino). This rate reduction is something that they were able to offer to us. This was not the determining factor for us going with this agency. However, it was the icing on the cake to hear such a significant amount being taken off the initial cost. This shows us that when God is in control, it will work out in your favor. It's so sweet.

How old will your baby be at placement?


The baby will be a new born at placement. It will be either 2-3 days or 10 days old depending upon the surrender of rights paperwork completed.
When we were in the Ethiopia adoption program they advised us that our baby would be between 6-9 months but we had to be open to 12 months and under. We wanted an infant, so we wanted the baby to be as young as possible.

Do you want a girl or boy?

We initially were requesting for an infant girl through the Ethiopia program. Therefore, I began shopping and purchasing a few items at a time and those grew over a couple of months. We are open to either at this point. We want the baby that we are supposed to have. However, I will be messed up if it is not a girl!!

How does an Open Adoption work?

Each situation is different. Some birth parents do not want any contact after they decide that they would like to entrust you with their child for life. Others may want limited contact i.e. (1 visit a year at the agency or 1 picture a year). It all really depends on what you are comfortable with and whether the birth parents want any contact or all. They try to match you according to your preferences. In the end, the adoptive parents have to make the best choice for their situation and the child. Ultimately, you are the parent. There is no such thing as co-parenting. The whole idea of the OA is for the children. It is so that the children will not have this issue of not ever knowing who their parent was or the situation. Granted, some situations may not be kosher and adoptive parents will have to have boundaries as to if they need to have any contact with an unstable parent. All situations are different. We constantly pray for our child, its birth parent, and that God is going to present to us the right match. That is why it is important to be patient and prayerful during these times. You want it to be the right baby and the right situation.



How are you matched with a baby?

Again, every situation is different. However, the adoptive parents fill out a profile by doing a profile book with pictures of them, their home, family, events, and vacations etc. This is what the birth parents are shown when they are matched with a couple of families to select from. In an ideal situation, the agency works with the birth parent for a while and you are able to meet them prior to birth to see if this is a good fit. You both have the flexibility to decline. You do not have to take the first situation that comes to you. The adoptive parents have a caseworker with the agency and the birth parent has a caseworker. Everyone works together to meet the needs of each other. We have to remember to keep the best interest of the child while still looking at our own comfort levels. Ultimately, the adoptive parents are the parents and there is No such thing as co-parenting. Every child has a right to know where they came from with boundaries set while they are young. This is when discernment plays a major role.

The agency has the adoptive parents to fill out an extensive form that describes them, their parents, grandparents, siblings, uncles and aunts etc. From complexion, to eye shape, hair texture, height etc. This assists with matching a child that attempt to blend in with your family.

The agency also provides the adoptive parents with medical information from the birth parents side. There is a detailed checklist that we check off what we are willing to possibly accept in terms of birth parents family history prior to the baby being born. The key to this form is knowing more medical history of the parents for your child in the event that there is not much contact from the birth parents.


How have you guys prepared for the baby?

We began making purchases after we decided we were going to adopt back in the spring. These small purchases turned into a bunch of stuff! We have clothing, baby bags, bibs, hats, onsies,
t-shirts, gowns, etc. In addition, safety care kits, grooming kits, bottle warmer, bottle sterilizers, bottles, pacifiers, pacifier clips, blankets, washcloths, bathing supplies and a bath tub. We have been able to research larger ticket items since we had time by going to consumer reports and through other avenues.

We have purchased a Travel system (September) to have as our back up stroller and shopping mall stroller. It was a smart move since it has an infant seat and a stroller. We initially went to Babies R Us to purchase 1 infant car seat. We had already ran the specs on the car seat of our choice through Consumer Reports and we held off and purchased the Travel System instead. It is 2 more strollers that we would like that are lighter than the travel system. My husband has his picked out and I have mine picked out. We chose a gender neutral color for the travel system since we are not for sure of what the baby's gender will be.

The room is not furnished yet. We plan on ordering furniture at the end of this month. The place that we are sold on and we selected our choices a while back takes about 12-14 weeks. However, we are going to check one more spots before we financially commit and place the order.

Currently, the room is used as our ironing room and "catch all" room for the baby. My husband has come up with a color scheme for the room and he will paint that later. It is currently a spearmint green and has simple striped window treatments. Everything will come down in the room as we prepare to transform the nursery. We have not done anything to the nursery's bathroom either. It is rarely used. It will be painted when he changes the wall color in the room.

The next to do list item is to have a custom closet done for the nursery. The closet looks like a hot mess with all of the clothing jammed packed in there. We have a friend that does custom cabinetry that my husband is close with. My husband wants to help him with the custom closet. Its a few other custom items that we have planned for the room as well.

We have to determine what fabric we would like for nursery rocker as well. We chose one rocker at the baby boutique store that we planned on ordering from, but I have to check with Pottery Barn as well because they have a similar rocker and ottoman that I would like as well and could purchase separately if we decided on that. We are waiting to see what our price comparisons are going to be as we go to these two other baby furniture stores.

An Only Child: The results when you are planning for a child, the first grandchild

My parents have asked us to let them know which item for the nursery can they order for us from the store that we chose - the crib or the rocker. They requested to be apart of the initial purchases for the nursery. How can we say no. My husband and my father looked at the quality of the drawers, the wood, and everything that day. My mom and I walked around looking at bedding choices/custom nursery bedding choices as well as unique items in the store.
My parents came to visit us on my birthday this past winter and we took them to the store that we knew we were going to order from and we all looked at baby furniture. My dad loves the new nursery rockers with the ottomans because they look like regular furniture when your child is no longer a baby and they are super comfortable. My mother is open to either item. Both items are similar in price, so price is not a factor.

I am an only child and I have relatively young parents (Fifties). My parents have always been 100% supportive of me throughout my entire life financially, emotionally, and non financially. Anyway you name it. I thank God for the relationship that we have. We may not agree on everything, but we learned to agree to disagree as I grew into my adulthood. It is an awesome relationship to have when you have that unconditional love and support from your parents.

Seasons

Today, our Bermuda grass in our yard is attempting to change and go dormant for the winter.

As I watched my husband cut the grass late yesterday evening a thought came to mind. We live in an area of the south where we have a type of grass called Bermuda grass that can withstand high summer heat in southern regions without brown spots appearing from sun damage and requires very little watering. Being that we have been on water restrictions for a year, it has be great having a heat tolerant grass. We only ran the sprinkle system 3 times a week for 20-30 minutes in each zone. This was enough to keep the grass healthy.
However, in the fall, the Bermuda grass goes dormant and turns a light blonde/straw color. The green color of the grass begins to appear on its own around March or April in our zone (also depending on how well you take care of it). I will try to post a picture of when it has gone dormant 100%.

I am saying all of this to say that we all go through Seasons (Ecclesiasies 3:1) in our life. They do not last forever. Just remember that no storm or season lasts forever. Whatever Season that we may be experiencing in our life, remember, that it is not forever. Everything is done for a reason. Although we may not know the reason at that particular time; it is done with purpose.



For example, our grass was nice, green and plush with new blooms coming from our flowers early summer. Now, its October and things that we planted have died and dried up, or they are beginning to die. However, they will return next year as promised for the perennials.

So, we must learn to walk by faith and not by sight with things that God promises us. I felt like this may help someone that is going through and they are waiting for their season to come.

Early Summer 2007 (June)

The Paper Trail Begins Again...

We looked at the paperwork last weekend after the workshop that we attended. It is actually not that bad at all. We are already more than halfway there, believe it or not.  

We have to do the following things:  

• fill out the application portion (3 pages) and submit with payment
• background checks done after application is submitted 
• medical clearances from our pcp's (primary care physicians)
• the home study is the next step after we submit the application and then profiles are shown
• placement

During the home study process we have to fill out some additional paperwork that deal with physical descriptions of us and our immediate family so that the best possible match can be made during the process. We also have a document to fill out that summarizes what we are willing to accept in terms of possible communication with birth parents if needed. There are some other documents that we have to fill out as well. I will cover those when the time comes.  

The paperwork has not taken over our kitchen!

Why aren't there more African Americans adopting?

This question came to mind this weekend after our training.  I wondered because it was 2 couples present for the training including us.  Although, this will be great for us because it is not as many people on the waiting list at this time. 

The agency was hoping to have at least 8 African American couples present for this training since there is a great need for AA adoptive couples for AA babies being being born. Some of the other couples that were supposed to attend had schedule conflicts and will attend another training session. 

Before we began our adoption journey, I always heard that it is difficult to find an AA infant for adoption, unless you are going through DFCS as a foster parent or either the infant may have some possible addictions.  However, when I started contacting agencies it seemed that in a lot of cases that AA infants were high priority cases and were available more so than any other race.  I am welcoming comments. 

I can admit that I had my own concerns prior to having a one on one session with the agency and going through the workshop.  A lot of the concerns that I had were discussed and I am more comfortable with the Domestic Adoption process now.  Although I had my own concerns when we were in the international process;  there still seemed to be a limited amount of AA adopting from Ethiopia as well. 

Reflections

I spent today thinking about the two day training that we participated on this past weekend. It is a few things that occurred this weekend that I would like address on tomorrow.

In the end, we must all learn how to be still, be patient, prayerful, and listen to where God wants us to go.   He will order our steps and place people into our paths. It is very difficult at times because we have our minds set on one thing while God may be leading us a different way. None of these things are by coincidence.

Adoptive Parent Training Day 2

Today was our 2nd day and final day of training. Time passed by quickly and we were given so much information.

The day started with the following: a video presentation on how a child feels that has been adopted in between the birth parents and adoptive parents, discussions about infertility if any issues existed within the group, open adoption plan discussions, the purpose of the home study, discussing what information you share with others regarding your child's adoption and how you keep an open communication with your child about being adopted, and 2 adoptive parents with their children and one birth mother. It was a very interesting and informative training session for us. It was awesome to meet adoptive parents who have gone through the process and were able to share their personal experience with the small group. We felt a strong connection with the only other couple during the training session.
Get this, we ended in prayer today! The husband of the other couple closed our training session in prayer. What a powerful ending to the beginning.


We decided to move forward with this agency after the training was complete and our paper trail began! Our next step is having our home study conducted by them once we submit the necessary paperwork. At this time there is only 1 family waiting for a referral that has completed the process. If all goes well, we will be next in line.

Chapter 1: Adoptive Parent Training Day 1

Today was the first day of our two day adoptive parent training sessions with the agency. It was an awesome session and very personal. There was one other couple there participating with the training session and they were very down to earth. We were able to ask questions since it was not a packed house. I believe initially that the agency was anticipating at least 8 African American families attending the session. There is a need for more African American families for domestic adoptions. The staff members present during the training appeared to be very excited and passionate about their positions and assisting families with their needs on both sides.
The agency provided a wealth of information for us as well as answers to some of the questions that prospective parents may have towards open adoptions and the whole adoption process. We were also introduced to the different staff that handles different phases of the adoption process. The most interesting portion of the training today was the activity that involved us defining the different feelings that we may have as adoptive parents as well as trying to relate to the feelings that the birthmother or birthparents may have during this process. We were supposed to have a birthmother come and share her positive experience with the group today. She was running late and unable to come due to an unforseen circumstance. However, another adoptive family and birth mother are on the schedule for tomorrow's training session.

Introduction:

We have been happily married for over 4 years and we created this blog to share with family and close friends as we go through our adoption journey. Adoption has always been a plan for us. Our initial plans were to have a biological child first and then adopt our second or third child. However, God has a way of reminding us that we are not in control. We initially began the paperwork process for an International Adoption for Ethiopia and were excited about the journey that we were led to begin. Shortly after beginning the paperwork for Ethiopia we were contacted by an agency following up with us from our inquiry back in the Spring regarding Domestic Adoptions. We decided we would meet with them to see where this would lead us. Ofcourse, this was a little confusing because we were trying to figure out which direction God was trying to lead us. We decided to be still for a little while and to see what this agency had to offer and listen to God, be prayerful and patient. This is how we arrived at our decision to move forward with a Domestic adoption. Ethiopia is still in our hearts and we are hoping that we will be able to adopt in the future from Ethiopia. If this is in his plans.
Proverbs 21:1 advises us that "Leaders can and should make their plans, but they must never forget that it is God who controls the future." It has been rightly said: "We don't know what the future holds, but we do know the One who holds the future."