Now I see...venting

Now I can see and understand why people decide to make their personal blogs private or either switch to another site in which they can control who can see their comments.

I do not post a lot, however, I post whenever I can. I have a few adoptive parents who follow and blog buddies that I have met who follow. By no means do I have a great following, however, I am cool with that. This is my blog and my account for how our process has gone. I pondered with closing my blog to private readers 6 months ago, however, my husband told me to leave it open so others could see that we (African Americans) are adopting. Now, I am having second thoughts again.

It is interesting how these "anonymous" posters stand behind anonymous. If it bugs someone to read someone else's blog then do not go to their site. It is that simple.

I received an anonymous comment (under Updates) about 12:43 am this morning that was moderated through my blog settings and sent to my email address. This person that posted was not nasty in their comment. However, it got a little bit under my skin because this is my blog and I can write what I feel like writing on "my blog".

I have adoption blog buddies who are interested in knowing about our process since we have waited for a little while and I DON'T have to talk in codes as to why I did not accept a referral. Many people have experienced the same thing and thats what the community is out there for.

Going through an adoption process is just like going through a pregnancy for many people. You do not know what you are going to experience or encounter along the way. It is an experience, but, everyone's labor is a little different.

I am not offended when people say they would never adopt domestically for this and that reason etc... and I am not offended when people say that they would never adopt internationally and prefer one over the other. It is their opinion. I have also seen some serious and pretty candid conversations on other adoption sites, and again, it is peoples choices to put what they want to put regarding their experiences or choices.

Their anonymous comment was in reference to me giving information about a referral call that we received a few weeks ago that we did not show our profile. I did not give personal information on the people we knew, I did not post pictures of the friends or the baby and I did not state what agency we were with. I merely stated my concerns as a potential adoptive parent that was apart of the referral call.

Yes, the twister was that friends of ours ended up taking the referral, and that is life and that is a great thing. It still doesn't mean that I can't be real and truthful about why we didn't want to be shown. We were upfront with these same friends later when we saw each other last weekend and talked about referrals.

The same friends are very real and upfront as well. When we were initially in the ET program and encouraging them to adopt over a year ago, the husband told us in short "to be careful adopting from there because he felt like the babies from there had a genetic makeup of bones that may lead to problems later on in life due to their small/fragile bone structure and them being small in nature?" We were not offended by it and unsure as to where he got the information, however, that didn't stop us from wanting to adopt from ET, it was his opinion. That's it, his opinion.

My purpose for starting my blog was to follow our process, feelings and encounters through this entire process as well as show other African American's that are interested in adopting that there are many of us adopting. My blog talks about the Good, Bad and the Ugly with adoption and life and it just does not paint a pretty picture to give people a false impression of the process. I am a realist. Period. I have shared certain personal things about myself and through sharing you meet other people who share similar circumstances and may be helpful in some way. We learn from each other.

I enjoy reading the adoption blogs that are real and don't paint a fairy tale picture about the process or after they receive the baby. I appreciate the people who were real about their referral and stating how concerned they were about various things in their child's referral history when they initially heard it. I also appreciate people being real about bonding issues, parenting issues of transracial and regular stuff that comes up that is not all good.

It is My choice to post information about a referral that I was apart of. It is not like I wasn't apart of a referral. This information was given to me first hand just as it was given to the other families waiting. It would be a different story if I shared something that I wasn't apart of, however, that wasn't the case. I was very much apart of the process and I chose to share why we did NOT want to be shown, which is my business. I may not share every referral, however, I chose to share this one, and it was my right to share it. I am sure that we will have a far from perfect placement and I will share some things when that happens.

What I posted was far from a whole birth "story" of someone else's child, but only I would know that. It was some facts and my choice to post why we didn't decide to have our profile shown. None of this stuff is secret for those who know and understand the domestic adoption process.

I have seen several large adoption agencies post all of the moms and babies medical history along with the cost of the adoption on their web page open for anyone to see who is visiting the site.

I have talked to a few friends who are adoptive parents, some have blogs and a few do not have blogs who also have concerns about wanting to post their true Raw feelings on subjects. However, the point is that if you have a blog, you should be able to share what you want to share on your blog good or bad without feeling like someone has to throw an "adoption blog bible" at you for sharing your personal feelings. No one should have to "tip toe" on their own blog.

This is life and this is what we have to deal with it. Everyone knows that there are different circumstances for a child being adopted anyway. Yes, it is the parent's choice to share their child's entire birth story with others. I only shared a tiny portion of why we chose not to be shown. It was far from the child's entire birth story.

I also feel like we shouldn't have to make our blogs private due to ignorant people or over sensitive people who have nothing more to do than visit blogs and cowardly put their opinion when it is not asked.

So, Dear, Anonymous, Thank you for reminding me to switch to another site where I can control people who are easily offended by someone else's choice or to seriously consider closing my blog to private readers, so that I can avoid having to deal with foolishness on my own blog and freely express myself. I am sorry that you felt like I was sharing someone else's child whole birth story, but that was not the case.

No, I am not apologizing for sharing my true feelings as to why we did not want to be shown. I was also very happy that the baby found a forever family in my post.

Please do me a favor, please do not put my blog address in your web browser, it is that easy. Again, it is my blog and I can and will share what I feel led to share.

Sincerely,

Sweet P.

Happy for ...

Friends!

One of our close couple friends who are/was with the same agency as we are with, has happily accepted the placement of a baby boy.

The baby's TPR's were completed on January 16th and he is officially theirs. They will be bringing him home this week and having a shower this coming Saturday! We are super excited for them.

While, we were not interested in having our profile shown for this particular baby due to different reasons, this baby was a blessing to them. I am excited because we were able to get them interested in adopting about a year ago and they signed on with the same agency that we were with. I also spoke with another couple that we took the adoption course with when we began with our agency. They also decided not show their profile.

It goes to show you that what is for you, is for you.

Everyone states, that you truly will know when it is your baby. I truly believe it. I always believe that our God is not a God of confusion and doubt when we truly seek him for answers.

My SW was hesitant about calling us about this situation because she knew from previous conversations and our preference sheet of what we would possibly consider and she knew that this one had every thing that we had concerns about. Not one, but all. However, we were delighted that she called to see if we wanted to be shown. I believe that she knew as well that this was not for us and the timing was not right. It is funny how the people at the agency learn you over a short period of time and there is a connection.

I did not contact our friends the week that we all were called because I was a little busy myself and because I knew that they had two failed placements back in the summer and I didn't want to cause any anxiety! I told her that on yesterday and she understood. I was being sensitive to the fact that they had gone through some previous situations that did not work out.

She sent a shower announcement out in the wee hours of Sunday morning. We spoke on Sunday morning after I returned from our first service and I was able to extend my assistance with helping in anyway since they had not put their nursery together at all.

I am happy that this precious little one found his forever family and has a chance to have a wonderful life!

We all have different needs and desires. Their desire was to become parents at this point. I am confident that they will be able to care for this little one with being that one of them is a MD as well. What a wonderful way to begin the new year!

Update: Edited Feb.12.2010

Here are pictures of the basket that I made and took the baby shower that took place in January. The basket was super heavy! I can't figure out how I was able to get everything in it. It was essentials (wash cloths, bathing essentials, socks, mittens, onsies, cloth diapers, pacifier, pacifier clip, blanket, outfit, duck thermometer, gowns, booties, hangers, and much more). The other gifts wrapped separately were a wipe warmer and bottle sterilizer for the microwave. We did not wrap the washing detergent!

Items that were in my basket!

updates..

When it rains, it pours!!!!

We are still here and waiting patiently and we are very content! We have so much going on.

We received a call from our SW today about a baby boy born on Monday of this week at a local hospital. Our SW wanted to know if we wanted to have our profile shown tomorrow to a birthmother who has placed her newborn infant. We were not comfortable with all of the information presented with the birth situation based upon our preferences with background/medical history. In addition, we also informed her of the new person in our home as well. So, our home study will need to be updated due to "little Miss Sunshine" being apart of our home for a while.

We felt that this situation was not the situation for us due to timing and the baby's birth history. I know a little too much with medical things and this contributes to my thought process when I am presented with multiple factors. Things can become so complicated with adoptions and its hard to analyze information at times.

It was not a situation that the agency had been been working with. It was a call from a hospital to the agency. The baby is thriving and doing well, however, we didn't think it was a fit for us for several reasons. I am sure this little baby will be placed with a loving home after the TPR period is up next week. The agency will show profiles on tomorrow for the waiting couples interested. I pray that this baby finds a wonderful forever home.

It takes a village...

Where have we been?

Happy New Year to everyone! We have been very busy. Prior to Christmas, God laid it on my heart to take custody of a little one to help a friend of the family out after spending a lot of time with her over the Thanksgiving Holidays. My heart was heavy one day after we returned from the holidays and I could not fight the emotions and calling. My husband agreed that we should take her and the rest was history.

It was really on my heart a year ago to let her come live with us temporarily, however we were kind of busy with the adoption paperwork. It seems like she had slipped further behind in terms of where she needed to be as a preschooler due to multiple siblings younger than her in her household and other circumstances.

One week before Christmas her mother agreed that she could not provide her with the time and attention that she requires right now in addition to some other things after I told her that we would take her for a while to get her on track and prepared for kindergarten.

I could not stand seeing this innocent preschooler suffer at the hands of someone else due to their poor decisions. My family has known the mother of this child since she was a baby herself and tried to help rear her in the right direction. She granted us temporary guardianship and I had everything taken care of in my state in three days total prior to the holidays.

This was all truly ordained by God because there was no way that I could have done all that I did in that short of time to have her prepared to return with us at Christmas. I was able to secure a preschool spot for her at a preschool that has over a years waiting list within those 3 days and everything else was taken care of.

While it did not seem like the perfect time since we have a lot of things going on in our household and we were also waiting for a placement, it was Gods timing and his timing is always perfect. We had plenty of room in our household and it was an easy transition and she wasn't an infant. Of course we had to do tons of shopping for clothing to prepare her beginning preschool when she returned with us, however I I handled most of it the week before Christmas. She has her own room and she loves it.

I never knew that having a preschooler in our household would be so much fun. She's independent, she desires to learn more and more every day, and loves her new school. This little girl already enjoys shopping with her "auntie" and my hubby swears that I am creating a monster or "mini me"! However, she adores him and he loves this little girl as well. So, you will be seeing this little person in pictures because she is apart of our household now. She is always smiling and she loves to hug! The best part of my long day is picking this sugar baby up from preschool and she runs to me and gives me the biggest hug and kiss ever! Oh, it melts my heart.

It truly takes a village to raise a child and we must do our parts when we are called to help others in need to save the children because they are our future. We have to look past our own current circumstances sometimes in order to help others. This little girl is our extra and unexpected gift from God!

Monday evening at ChuckEcheese (at a birthday party!)