Positive Language:
Birth Parent
My or our child
Make an adoption plan
We wanted and chose to be your parents,
and your birthparents chose us
Decision to parent a child
Child born to unmarried parents
Adoption participants
Locate, making contact with birth relatives
Waiting Children, children with special needs
Daughter or son who was adopted as a child
Child placed for adoption
Child from another country
International Adoption
Negative Language:
Real or Natural parent
My or our adopted child
Put up for adoption, give up, give away, surrender for adoption, relinquish
We chose you
Keep a child
Illegitimate Child
Adoption triad, triangle
Search, track down parents, reunite, reunion
Special needs children, hard to place children
Referring to an adult adopted person as an adopted child
Child taken away
Foreign child
Foreign adoption
There is an explanation that goes with each one of the statements. However, it would make the post that much longer. This was a very helpful exercise that we did in October and the sheet with the terminology is great to share with those who are not "in the know" or aware of the appropriate terminology.
2 comments:
Over the years I have had many experiences with negative and positive language regarding adoption.
I find that most people have good intentions but are just not "in the know"... unfortunetly many of the things people say in ignorance can be hurtful, especially to the children as they grow up.
Now, after 3 adoptions and 6 years of parenting I am pregnant for the first time, due any day.
At this point my biggest concern is the phrase "one of your own"... "Oh, I'm so glad you can have one of your own now." I just smile and reconfirm that "I'll have FOUR of my own."
Mostly I think that what is said and taught in the walls of our home is the most important...who knows what sorts of things my kids are going to hear when I'm not there to screen everything.
Good luck with your adoption. I will be following along now that I know you are here! thanks for your comments on my blog :)
Betina, Thanks for sharing your experiences. I know that you have many to share!
I can only imagine the comments that you are receiving now that you are expecting.
I have heard people use that phrase "one of your own" before and it is quite disturbing because it almost refers to your child as if you borrowed them.
I have a cousin who adopted her first child and she had two children after that.
Her concern now is that she does not want her first child to have any different feelings because she didn't give birth to her. I understand her level of concern, because I know that I will eventually have the same concern.
I wish the best with your delivery, and pray that you have a supernatural delivery, with no complications and pain free! I can't wait to see the pictures. Wow, you will have 4 little ones! How awesome.
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