This week last year... the Giants that I faced

Up close and Personal:

This week last year in 2007 I had a physical with my primary care physician. Everything went great with my physical except when she did my breast examination, she thought that she felt something on both breasts. As a precaution, I was recommended to go to the hospital's breast care center to have tests run to rule out cancer. I did not have a history in my family, however, that did not mean anything.

During this process, we had to place a hold on family planning because I was going to need to have a mammogram done in addition to the other tests. I remember walking out of my doctors office in shock. So many things passed through my mind at that moment. I remember getting in my truck and calling my husband and literally having a break down. I took a simple phrase of caution from my doctor and had diagnosed myself without being tested. I don't really remember how I got home because I was crying hysterically and I was talking to my husband. I remember him telling me to pull over and relax and get myself together so that I would not have an accident. He tried his best to comfort me, although he was in shock too and did not want to appear worried so that he could support me. At this point, I was not concerned about conceiving. I was worried that my life would change at the very moment if they found something or worried that I may not be here in a year. Thats how deep I was in dealing with my situation. I literally felt like I saw my life flashing before me during this time.

After I arrived home, I pulled myself together and my husband arrived shortly and reminded me that I am not God and he asked me why I was putting myself in the ground already. He stated that these tests are for early detection and that I needed to stop trying to predict the worse case scenario. His mothers side of the family has a history of breast cancer and he lost one of his aunts to Breast cancer as well. As well as his mother having a double mastectomy a year after we were married. So, this was real to us.

I remember calling my parents and letting them know about the appointment and there was a sense of peace. I also called a first cousin who is an OB/GYN RN in North Carolina. So, this is how I started my Thanksgiving Break last year. I had a sense of peace over the break and my family was already in prayer. When we returned from North Carolina last Thanksgiving, I no longer had those worries. I was ready to go to my appointment and go through what needed to be done.

I had my appointment on a Friday in December and I decided that I was comfortable with going on my own. I was at a different level of peace entering the building and was ready to face whatever I was going to face after the tests. I remember texting my mom before I walked into the building for the tests. Her text replied to me its okay, it is already taken care of.

Four hours later, I found that they could Not find anything after extensive tests on both breasts, and no cancerous tissue.

They advised me that I had healthy breast tissue and to return several years later at 40 years of age. I was 35 at this time last year. I advised them that I would return each year for my own peace of mind and my doctors recommendation as well. My doctor recommends me to go just to monitor the tissue and I am find with that since she thinks its tissue that she feels. However, our breasts can feel different at different times of the month. This was one test that I endured last November. It was a rough time. It all worked out and I learned then, that again, God is in control, through the good and bad.

Giant 2:

One and half month later (January 2008), I was at my yearly OB/GYN appointment and it went great too. I advised my OB doctor that I was concerned because we had been trying for about 4 months and nothing happened! She looked and me and said you are healthy and everything looks fine, but if I wanted to go ahead and proceed with further tests since I had a concern. She also reminded me that it takes some people a year or more because everyone's body is different. She had me scheduled for a HSG for early January 2008, blood work later that month, and tests to be run on my husband. We did everything in one month and I felt like a lab rat.

We left early one January morning to arrive at Radiology at the hospital and we talked to my parents that morning and my father talked to both of us on our way to the hospital and advised us that he had already prayed for us and the situation. He said some profound words, that were difficult to take at the time, but it made me strong. He advised me to accept whatever happens and let God handle the rest. Whatever happens is in his will. Everything is for a reason. I was still trying to figure out why I was going through so much and facing so many Giants, but it was a test.

I knew that 2008 was the year of new beginnings, I just did not know where I was going to fit in and it was not looking optimistic for me, to be honest.

After having the HSG performed, I found out that I had at least one tube that was not functioning properly and the other one was having a spasm. There was not any explanation of the possibility of the blocked tubes and I was not infertile. I watched the monitor after the test were run and tears streamed down my face and I had to walk out to the waiting room to tell my husband what they saw. My OB/GYN looked at me strangely and softly said, you are not infertile, it just may take you a little longer to get pregnant or you may or may not need a little assistance to clear the tubal issue or assistance with getting pregnant. She stated that at least you know what the hold up is because many of the patients have unexplained infertility and do not know after many tests are run. I was thankful for that, but I was still sad. I do not think that I had ever cried any harder that day that we left the hospital. We were both in shock and we returned home and we sat quietly for hours in disbelief. My husband could not even return to work and decided to stay home to take everything in mentally. I believe that I cried the rest of the day and then afterwards I immediately went into TYPE A mode and contacted the fertility specialist that my OB/GYN referred me to make an appointment to see what I would need to do possibly if they needed to further investigate my tubal situation. The other tests run later that month revealed that I was fine and my hormones were fine as well as my husbands tests were fine. My OB/GYN had performed all of the basic fertility work up that the specialist would have done first. So, we were glad to find out there were not any other issues after the other tests were completed after the HSG.

I held onto the paperwork from the specialist and felt that God was requiring me to be Patient and let him be in Charge as I am not in control of none of this. Even the doctors were saying that I was at the bottom end of the age latter, in terms of getting help. If I needed to go as far as IVF, I was/am at a good age where the success is much higher being in my thirties. In the end, God is still in control over procedures, assistance or whatever else. We felt led to wait with continuing to conceive and proceed with adoption and return to family planning later.

I always had my life on a time chart where I wanted to do certain things by a certain time, and this is how I had conducted my life until I was 35 and ran into a stumbling block. This was one event that we could not control. Adoption was always in my destiny because it was something that was placed in my heart as a child. We had formally stated that we would have our 2 first and then adopt our last child. It sounded like a good plan, but maybe God had a different plan for us. Although, I initially met opposition from some family that felt like we should have continued right then and there with conceiving and not adopting. Their concern was in love and wanting us to start our family. We were being obedient as to where God was leading us.

We decided that we would start our adoption process first because I felt that in my spirit that is where we needed to go and not for any particular reason. We were at a good place with so much peace and moved forward with researching adopting first in the spring of this year.

We decided not to family plan during that time that we were in the International program so that we could focus on the adoption. I had such peace going through the adoption search process. I wasn't worried about ovulation days and stressing myself out internally which was the primary source of the problem.

Anyone who has been through this knows the stress, even when you are not appearing to be stressed out. After going through the tests, I shared with a few people and little did I know that so many other people had gone through so much with infertility or a long wait with trying to get conceive and my little 4 months of trying was not anything compared to those that had endured so much for a much longer time. I humbled myself and I would not have normally shared with others. I am glad that I did because it helped others and it helped me.

It was amazing, I had people coming out the woodworks telling me about their issues that were deeper than mine and all that they did. I had people confide in me of their trials of IVF and other procedures. We all have our own journey and story to tell. You just never know what people are going through or have gone through. This is how we arrived to this point that we are now.

I share all of this to say that we all have tests, and many of us have more than others. In the end, it is preparing us for the bigger picture. God, will not fail. I am a living witness. We have to go through things some times so that we can appreciate things even more when we do receive it. Our struggle is also a testimony for others who are going through and may need that extra push to know that they are not in this fight alone.

We will have a very interesting year to come! And Remember, Giants do fall! The bigger they are, the harder they fall!

This is the significance of the song Giants by Donald Lawrence in my ipod mix.

When we follow the path that God wants us to follow through obedience, we will see how Sweet it is. Beginning a family in any form is truly a Gift from God.

This is my story. I hope that I have reached someone as I have been touched by others. Always remember that storms do not last forever.

Gifts from God....To be continued....

Peace and Blessings,

Sweet Patience, better known as Kristy