Eight years ago today

(I am sorry that I am 2 days late releasing this post)

It doesn't seem like 8 years ago today to me. It seems like yesterday to us. I remember what I was wearing, what I was listening to, where I was and the emotions that took over my body.

Eight years ago, I was living in NYC, dating my husband and on my way to work. When I arrived at my job, I will never forget that I was listening to a jazz station and it was interrupted by an important message.

The message was that there was a fire in Tower 1 at the the Trade Center and they were unsure at the time of what caused it because it just happened, possibly a small plane. I took the keys out of my car and and took my belongings with me into my job. I told a mutual friend of my husband and I (he introduced us) that there was a fire at Tower 1, and I wasn't for sure of the details. I knew his wife's brother worked in Tower 1 and that is why I told him. His wife and I were very close friends. No one really moved or panicked at that time because we didn't know. Within minutes others grabbed their radios and mini tv's and listened to the news.

While we were watching and listening, plane number two hit the second tower right in front of our eyes. We were in shock, literally. At this point everyone knew and felt NYC was under attack. I really did not know what to do or think. I had never experienced anything like this is in my years on this earth. We had no phone reception on cell phones or anything. I just sat there frozen not knowing really what to do. I couldn't call my husband (then boyfriend) who then worked midtown in Time Square, which we also later found out was a target.

Suddenly, the small things that I complained about in life and relationships things didn't seem so big when we were going through this terrible day. I remember feeling so helpless not being able to call my parents or anyone. We all had busy signals. All we could do was sit there. I went home and tried to get on my internet and we could not because there was not internet service, telephone services at that time due to everything being shut down.

My friend's wife, Susan arrived at my job within about two to three hours after walking from lower Manhattan across the Brooklyn bridge to my job (and her husband's job as well) covered in dust, dirt and everything else from the buildings collapsing. I took her to pick up her daughter from daycare and to see if we could get any information on her brother. This was one long afternoon and the days became longer. Her brother worked in Tower 1, on the 110th floor I believe. Those floors were hit first and everyone perished from the company that he worked for. She had to gather so many things and make so many calls to check and see if he was still living, and or hurt in a hospital. Days and days went by and there was no answers of his whereabouts. Everyone present at his workplace were presumed deceased due to the impact and fire from the plane. How could this happen?

I thank God everyday because those who know me knew that I planned on being down there that week. I had made plans to meet my friend (Susan) for lunch or something because I was still off from work and I wanted to spend some time with her because she had a rough summer with some personal things, and I wanted to visit the buildings, eat there and have her meet me on her lunch. She worked on Water street for a major company. She told me that there were plenty of spots to eat there and shops, and just to let her know which day.

I had never been to the trade centers since living in NYC since 1999 and when we flew back from my parents after Labor Day weekend 2001 and circled the area before landing I told my husband (boyfriend) then, that I needed to go there and visit the buildings since I was off. However, when I arrived at my brownstone apartment, my work assignment came in early and told me that I could go ahead and start. Seriously. I was a full time contracted therapist with NYC school. I was shocked because we usually received our assignments to start after the 13th or so as contractors. So, that blew my plans for shopping and going down there that week. Little did I know, it was a blessing.

That day was the day that fear slowly became apart of me on a daily basis due to the events that occurred. We stayed home from work for the remainder of the week due to the high alerts. We were subjected to remain in our homes watching the attacks over and over again on television on every channel. I was unable to go home to my parents even if I wanted to. Our city was on lock down.

No one could come in and we couldn't go out. Then there was the threat of anthrax. We were afraid to leave our homes and walk outside due to all of the threats. I am ashamed to say that I was truly terrorized for a good while and allowed the events to change how I lived, which was in fear. We were also afraid to go purchase food/ sandwiches at that time from places that were considered "suspect" due to their nationality. We were truly living in fear. I had ton's of friends and family who were trying to call and email to see if I would respond to the email. It was really strange because they all had these short messages on the email like, "Are you Okay" and they were wanting to see if I was going to "read" the message to see if I was alive, in a sense.

I remember driving back home on tree lined block in Brooklyn on that evening after being with Susan. It was such a weird feeling because you didn't know what neighbor would not be arriving home or who was lost. My girlfriend/co-worker came over and stayed at my brownstone since she was afraid to stay at her apartment as well. We went through the next few days together in fear.

Later in 2002 my parents told me that I was a totally different person on the phone and whether I wanted to admit it or not, they could hear the depression and fear in my voice when they called daily to check on us, no matter how much I tried to fake that I was okay. My father told me later that he felt like he aged 10 years waiting to hear from me and know that I was okay, because he knew I was a free spirit and loved shopping and I could have been anywhere.

About a month later we held Susan's brother's memorial service and the CEO of the company spoke there. If I am correct, the CEO was the only person that lived from his company because he wasn't there. It was really sad. The majority of the employees were so young and fresh out of college.

I do not talk about this event often, but I had to remember the people who were lost on that day and what we all went through. It is one thing to see it on television, but it is another thing to live through the chaos and experience it first hand.

It took me a while before I would go shopping back in Manhattan which would require me to either to take the Brooklyn Bridge by car or subway. I was so scared because of all of the previous threats. Finally, my husband told me that I needed to stop living like that because life must go on. I had stopped going to watch him at Basketball City at Chelsea Piers where he would play and work out and I could work out as I watched the corporate games during my workout. Many of the local celebs and athletes played there against corporate teams as well some times. It was a really neat place. However, I avoided it after the events that occurred.

I was nervous on subway due to the structural damage and I was just afraid of being in the city again and I was afraid something was going to happen again and I would be trapped or killed. Everything was different about a month after the event when I traveled into the city for the first time since the attacks. I avoided going anywhere near ground zero as well for over a year.

The funny thing was that my first trip back into the city, we went shopping and Nike Town was our last stop.

On our way to check out a buzz came over the store with the employees that a well known actor was in the store with the initials D.W.!

I thought he was gone and when we were headed out, he walked right by me cool as ever and dressed normal. Mr. Washington definitely has a certain charisma about him and looks like a pretty down to earth in person to me. I didn't even speak when he walked right by me. I just looked at some sneakers in the lobby as he walked by and my husband looked at me like why didn't you speak???

Even though I was used to seeing actors and actresses all of the time, this was something that took my mind off being fearful while I was in the city!

The next few months were interesting and I remember being calmer because I saw the presence of so many police officers and military personnel at bridges and at the subway stations. I did not mind at all having my trunk searched before heading across a bridge. It brought a lot more peace to me during those times.

I remember another friend, Portia, who used to work with me in NYC from fall 99 to summer 2000 flew in from LA later in 2002 and wanted to meet me at a popular clothing store in the city called Century 21 for some good buys. I met her and forgot that it was right there by the store when I came out of the train station. She wanted to see all of the pictures on the fences and everything that came with ground zero. I did not. However, that was a healing moment for me because I overcame my fear with a lot of prayer.

Remembering all of those who were lost or lost family and friends on this day.

(I may try to scan some pictures from my 5 years living in NYC and post later. )