Play date scheduled.....
We have our play date scheduled for this Friday. The children's driver selected a location with food and a play area. He contacted us on Monday via email to schedule the visit. This will be my husband's first visit with the children. This will be an interesting visit because we will see the children and be able to interact with them outside of the offices. I am so curious about the visit because I want to see how the children are going to respond to my husband, particularly the little boy. The visit is scheduled at a public location and hopefully it will not be super crowded. We are scheduled to meet earlier to avoid huge crowds. However, I think that it will be a fun, quick visit. I will definitely post after our visit and share the outcome.
I am going to be transparent again for a minute here. My husband asked me this morning if the visit was even necessary now because it seems as though I have made up my own mind that "this can not be done" because I had my mind set on only one child. I told him that was not the case, however, I had legitimate concerns about taking two at a time due to different reasons.
He says my reasons were really not justifiable for saying no to the placement, if those were my only concerns regarding this particular case, if we are interested in moving forward after the visit. I just have normal fears as a "mothering" type of person and I know that he has a spirit of "anything is possible" and it can work because we are capable. Which is a good thing because he has prayed about it and put it all in God's hands. I think he just wants to make sure that I am giving them a fair chance and not writing them off due to my inner fears about taking on 2 children at one time when my mind has been made up for a while about receiving one child since we started the process.
I also asked the CW about their TPR's and that is coming up soon. They have been in care with the current foster family for a little over a year and there is only one possible family member that may try to go through the process of getting them, however, nothing has occurred with that yet.
We talked to a longtime foster parent that we are close to the day after Christmas when we visited with her and she said that it is normal to be a little scared, however, the things that I listed were not major i.e. (not having things for children their age and being prepared for them). She also echoed that those concerns of not having things already in place for children their age is minor. She actually saw a lot of positives with their ages due to one going to kindergarten in the fall, and the other a young toddler. She laughed and said, you all can still travel with the kids and keep moving and family plan as well. These are not two little babies that will lock you down. She agreed that their ages were perfect for doing so many things, if these are the children that we are supposed to have in our life.
She agreed that we should just continue to pray, seek God's guidance and wait and see how the visit goes to see if we should proceed. I advised the CW that we would definitely let them know if we are interested after a visit or two. I don't think it would take more than that if we wanted to proceed to weekend visits and transitioning them. However, at this point, I am neutral and guarding my heart to an extent with All situations. I am remaining open to all cases and waiting, praying and remaining patient.
I believe that my husband was reading my lack of excitement as I have my mind made up. I explained to him that I am being neutral just as he is and I am thinking of everything as relating to two children at once in regards to nurturing them and adjusting. I think that it has thrown him off a little because he probably expected me to be my normal bubbly self with excitement. He is always laid back and somewhat reserved. So, he is still in character! I guess I am out of character.
I know that taking one preschooler into our home earlier this year, by choice, helping a family friend out was not a big adjustment for us. It was pretty easy. We made adjustments and we made it work and our lifestyle continued on with a preschooler. However, we also knew that she would be with us for a year or two at most. Although, we were open to her remaining with us indefinitely if necessary due to her mother's circumstances.
A few friends in my inner circle that have adopted also noted that it is so easy to overindulge with one child and two children keep you balanced. I can see me falling victim to that with one child within our household to begin with. However, I just felt the need to take placement with one child to nurture them and allow them to adjust and then get another placement. They all seemed to agree that whether it is these children or not, they are spaced out such that it is great for having more children. They also agreed that my feelings are normal and I have typical fears and I am taking everything into consideration. I hope that I do not seem as though I am rambling out loud here, but I am speaking from the heart.
I will definitely post about our visit this week and whether or not we are going to proceed with future visits. It is an exciting time to have possible placements presented to us, however, I still have to remain neutral to an extent.
This blog journals my life as I take the journey towards motherhood, my passion for photography, other hobbies, and all of the things that come with living and having faith. "For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him" - 1 Samuel 1:27
9 comments:
It's normal to be afraid of going against what you expected but just continue to let God guide this situation and your hearts.
Think of it as preparing for one child and finding out you're having two instead. The best planning doesn't prepare us for real life sometimes. You're in my prayers :).
Love Angela
Thanks so much Angela.
You are right, the best planning does not prepare us for real life. This is a perfect example, especially with the route that we chose. It opens us up to infants through young toddlers.
I will keep you posted. This has really been a little difficult for me. However, I know that some others have been through the same or similar situations with deciding on what is too much at one time and having a fear.
You have been busy. So you're pursuing both right now? These two and the small adorable bundles of cuteness in your recent post?
Regardless... I think with these two children the benefit in the nurturing is that they are siblings and will be a great help to each other.
Our state/county does not allow us to even see a picture of the child until we're certain we want to welcome the child in our home. So interesting how states are different.
Praying you make the right decision but it sounds like these children have won your hearts.
Hi Debbie,
This is a sibling group that we were contacted about last month. TPR's are soon to be done and they are wanting to find a family that would like to adopt them.
They have been in foster care over a year with a wonderful family that is not going to adopt, strictly foster.
The agency would like for the children to remain together as they have. They would like for them both to be placed/adopted together. So, this is a little different from getting a foster placement.
These children are being presented as "adoptable" soon, and that is why the play dates are scheduled so the family contacted can see if this is a right fit.
With typical foster care placement, you do not have an opportunity to meet the children. You either take the placement or not.
These children are pretty much going to be adoptable really soon and they thought of another family and us when this came about. They encourage play dates and visits with a potential adoptive family so that the family can see if they would like to move forward towards adoption and transition them into their home until the adoption is finalized.
I hope that I was clear. This is a sibling group. Brother and sister that we were contacted about. Yes, we have been busy. I had to focus on getting everything in so that we could be on a list for waiting for a foster or adoptive placement.
Yes you were very clear in your posts and here.
Even with an adoptive placement we would not have visits or even meet the child until we say yes. Then we would have the meeting and transition visits.
The two little babies at the top are not at that the same point of availability as the older sibling group. However, we are interested if we do not take placement with anyone in the near future.
We knew the little babies before we received the call about the older sibling group. We are not definite on the sibling group yet either. The agency likes for you to spend time with the children before you make a decision, or too quick of a decision. The children are already in foster care so it is not a rush of any sort. They would just like the right placement. The sibling group have gone on play dates with another family prior to us being approved.
We help out with the two little bundles and they have taken our hearts since day one, however, we didn't think anything of it because we though reunification would take place. We are interested, however, they are in care right now. This is definitely the age that we prefer. However, God knows what's best. Right now, we are being open and looking at all options.
At this point, we are being shown the potentially adoptable children, unless we get a call about a foster care placement in between all of this.
As far as the number of kids go in your home, it is according to what you are approved with in your home study. Some people may be approved for the maximum amount of children for care. There are different factors. We agreed to initially only to have 2 in our home for care.
Debbie,
so you all would have to agree on adopting the child before you knew about their history or anything? Wow. Each state is different. It is amazing with the differences.
We were called about the children because they thought of us, although they knew that our preferences were birth to 2.
They scheduled a meeting for us to look at their file and we could ask any questions. After we met and read over the file, they asked us if we were interested or not. We said yes we were interested in meeting them, not committing to adopting and they understood. We could have said no we did not want to meet them after the meeting, however, they were a good sibling group.
The agency starts off with play dates, which are typically one hour visits at dates set by the potential parents, sw and the transportation driver. Then the potential adoptive parents can decide whether or not they want to proceed with respite visits in their home and weekend visits to transition the children.
I truly believe their goal is to make sure that the family has an accurate view of the children and that it is a good match, especially when you are dealing with older children. I think the process is easier with babies, because the transition period is probably shorter and the time needed for them to go from their foster home to their new adoptive home is less time.
I am sure there have been cases where people have no clue of what they are getting and once they agree to adopt, it is not like foster care, where you can ask to have the child removed. It is permanent.
If we had the children in our home already fostering them, it would be different. We could move forward into adopting them since we are listed as a resource parent and not straight foster. Meaning we would be open to adopting a potential placement in our home.
If we were straight adoptive, we would not get calls to foster. We would only get calls on children who are going to be adoptable shortly. We were advised to become a resource parent instead of strictly adoption, because it opens up our chances of getting a younger child or baby as a placement into our home and potentially adoptable.
They try to look at the families profile and preference and match. I must say, this is a great opportunity with super children, however, I was not expecting a sibling group to be honest. We were thinking we would get a call with one child to begin with.
Our SW also plays a role with the departments who place with the case workers. If you have a good SW. They know your home, you as a couple and they can make sure that the department that places considers the placement. I think ultimately their goal is to make sure that the adoption placements are good fits.
Now, I must say that we were called immediately after our paper was all in and just waiting for a stamp of approval from the supervisor over home studies. So, we are truly blessed that they began calling us about potential adoptive cases, when we were expecting just fostering, possible adoptive cases later after fostering.
I said a mouthful, however, hopefully, you understand our process here a little bit now.
With the exception of when we meet the child(ren) that's all the same as us. That is great that they called you so quickly with an adoptive placement, I saw that in your posts.
In our case we would have all the information about the child(ren) and ask all the questions just like you did just wouldn't see the child until we decide. They know how a picture can steal your heart away.
You are right, pictures can, but my hubby and I went in objectively. We wanted to read the files, but be open to meeting them. He didn't just want to read and make a decision.
Case histories can be a bit overwhelming when you get into the meat of this. I am kind of used to it. We had the pleasure of having their current CW and original CW there to really give us the scoop and my SW came by as well. We did not want to make any judgements based upon what we read. They did not have any pictures present for us, however they told us that the children would be there the next day for a visit. So, I met them before seeing any picture with their file! It was a little nerve wracking!
However, their CW took a picture of them during their visit and showed me before they came to her desk to see me. So, I only had about 5 minutes to see what they looked like before they came in from the conference room.
Yes, we have been blessed that they began calling us early on. That is one of the reasons why we agreed to hear about the children. We didn't just want to say no because it wasn't an infant. Things happen for a reason.
I am encouraging more of our friends to attempt to adopt this way. It is so many children out there in need of a home and despite what our fears may cause us to do, it is worth the journey.
In our short period through this journey, I have met so many wonderful people, wonderful children in care, and some workers who really are workers for the children and want the best. It has been a different journey for us, however, everything happens for a reason!
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